Thursday, September 30, 2004
Some people has an ego as big as the universe. So think-skinned. Anyway, was sick today so I didn't go to school. Had a splitting headache the whole night. Couldn't sleep properly. Wonder if I'm well enough to go to school tomorrow. I need to mug. I'm better now peeps. Thanks so much for your concern. I can feel melancholic at times just like that. It ain't good but I'll pull through.
[ I miss you.. ]
at 8:50 PM
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Found out a lot of things yesterday and it really broke my heart to hear all them. I may be heartbroken but I'm more angry than hurt. Many things are bottled in my heart yet I cannot say them out. I wish I could say them all out to somebody but I can't. All this suppression might drive me to my grave soon. Help!! Anyway, I'm glad to know about some things though. Not as worried anymore. My math results suck. Hopefully, I'll pass my lit. That's my only hope. I have lotsa things to write but I cannot write it out now. If I master the skill of writing abstractly, perhaps, it'd be here soon. Right now, I'm feeling like shit. Somebody, please save me.
[ I miss you.. ]
at 9:14 AM
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Finally I met up with those zh guys. Merv, Jabs and Herbert. Been a while since I last saw them. Jabs going Taiwan for training soon. Gonna miss him!! Haven't even gone to eat chilli yet! Seylong was there too! Enjoying uni life man that guy. They are my first 3 months friends. Still as crappy as ever. Hee. Embarassed myself on the mrt. Oh man.
So near yet so far.
[ I miss you.. ]
at 9:42 AM
Thursday, September 23, 2004
It's interesting to see people bitch on their blog. I always get a good laugh after reading all the different sides of their argument. It shows their level of maturity and how they handle their problems. I must be really bored. Damn. My prelims is over. And it's a gone case. No point moping or sulking. I reap what I sow. Yes, I have to do something about it and I will. Realised that I am always talking about it but I never do anything about it. Empty talk. Oh man. I'm so guilty of it. I will not let myself down. Human beings are so superficial nowadays. They see things only on the surface but the never take into consideration that it may be just a facade. I wonder, will anybody be able to know the real me. I may look cheery and all but will anybody know when I'm going through my darkest moment? If there's anyone who knows, I'll be so impressed and I might just marry that person. Haha. Just kidding. I'm outta here.
[ I miss you.. ]
at 2:47 PM
"They wove bright fables in the days of old,
When reason borrowed fancy's painted wings;
When truth's clear river flowed o'er sands of gold,
And told in song its high and mystic things!
And such the sweet and solemn tale of her
The pilgrim heart, to whom a dream was given,
That led her through the world,- Love's worshipper,-
To seek on earth for him whose home was heaven!
"In the full city,- by the haunted fount,-
Through the dim grotto's tracery of spars,-
'Mid the pine temples, on the moonlit mount,
Where silence sits to listen to the stars;
In the deep glade where dwells the brooding dove,
The painted valley, and the scented air,
She heard far echoes of the voice of Love,
And found his footsteps' traces everywhere.
"But nevermore they met! since doubts and fears,
Those phantom shapes that haunt and blight the earth,
Had come 'twixt her, a child of sin and tears,
And that bright spirit of immortal birth;
Until her pining soul and weeping eyes
Had learned to seek him only in the skies;
Till wings unto the weary heart were given,
And she became Love's angel bride in heaven!"
[ I miss you.. ]
at 12:51 PM
Saturday, September 18, 2004
My emotions have been fluctuating recently. I can be ecstatic for a while then melancholic the very next minute. Perhaps, I have been thinking too much. Memories haunt me at times. Probably, that may be the reason that trigger off all the unhappy thoughts in me. Sometimes, I wonder have I ever made the right decision by doing anything. At that instant, I'd think is correct. But when I think back, it seems so wrong. You know what is broken easily without touching? Promises. Yes, promises are very fragile. They can be broken so damn easily. And the heart gets broken too whenever a promise is broken. Promises not kept are like empty words. Bad memories cause me agony. The pain and hurt inflicted on me is too much to bear. It gets worse when I suppress it. I cry at the weirdest time. Nobody understands. It's only me that knows what misery is because I am the one going through it. And in life, you never get what you want. If you always get what you want, you'd be living in a world called fantasy. Too bad, we human beings are not entitled to that priviledge of living in the world called fantasy. We're stuck in the world called reality. We have to be realistic and rational to survive. Emotions might actually lead to our downfall. This world demands so much from us yet we have so little to give. I should be contented. My family members dote on me and I have wonderful friends. Thank you very much for entering my life and bearing with all my nonsense. I love you all very much. =)
A stupid poem that came to my mind when I was on the bus. I really do not know what was the source of inspiration. Anyway, don't read too much into it. Here it goes...
When will the truth ever come to light?
I want to know what you're really like.
Do you really love me a lot?
If you do, please give me a nod...
[ I miss you.. ]
at 1:54 AM
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
I am in a lousy mood. I hate liars and hypocrites.
[ I miss you.. ]
at 8:00 PM
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Haven't blogged in a long time. Seems like everybody is mugging hard. Scary. I must mug too! Joyce, Jas and me have a common goal. Muahaha. It sounds evil so I won't disclose it here lest everyone knows and we're dead.
I do what I wanna do. Don't tell me what I am supposed to do. If you want to do what they ask you to do then do what they ask you to do if you don't know what to do.
Eamon - F*ck it (I don't want you back)
[Verse 1:]See i dont, know why, i liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, i loved you, now thats all down the drain
Ya put me through pain, i wanna let u know that i feel
[chorus:]F*ck what i said it dont mean shit now
F*ck the presents might as well throw em out
F*ck all those kisses, it didnt mean jack
F*ck you, you hoe, i dont want you back
F*ck what i said it dont mean shit now
F*ck the presents might as well throw em out
F*ck all those kisses it didnt mean jack
F*ck you, you hoe, i dont want you back
[verse 2:]You thought, you could
Keep this shit from me, yeah
Ya burnt bitch, i heard the story
Ya played me, ya even gave him head
Now ya askin for me back
Ya just another hag, look elsewhere
Cuz ya done with me
[CHORUS]
Ya questioned, did i care
You could ask anyone, i even said
Ya were my great one
Now its, over, but i truly mean im sad
It hurt real bad, i cant sweat that, cuz i loved a hoe
[CHORUS]
[ I miss you.. ]
at 4:28 PM
Monday, September 06, 2004
My heart is healed. When I look at all my notes and books, I feel as if I have fallen in love. So deeply in love with all my notes and books. My studies is my first priority and I will focus! Thanks Joyce for going to town with me to get my rip curl card case. I like it a lot!! It can be opened by both sides. Cool right? The name is magical wallet. Funny name. Think I'll get one for my mummy too. Maybe the dark brown one. She seems to like it a lot too! I have good taste.
What's the difference between happiness and being contented? A whole lot of difference. Am I contented or am I still searching for happiness? I'd rather be contented and maybe I'll find happiness from there. Yes, I am contented with my life now. I think I am contradicting myself. Oh well. This is not a GP or lit essay so I don't care. Anyway, I just like writing nonsense so if anyone who reads my blog does not think that your IQ will be lowered by 70%, thank you for your kind attention.
I'm going to play tennis with Joyce later. How amazing is that. Me playing tennis? Muahaha. Finally I'm making use of the tennis court downstairs. I think I cannot play tennis but I'll try.
Lesson learnt after failed relationships. Assumptions are fatal. NEVER ASSUME. The best is to thrash out everything and let bygones be bygones.
I'll be stronger than before. I will not fall. No matter what setbacks I'm face with, I'll get back on my feet and fly higher than anyone who tries to hurt me. Eve-vy rules.
[ I miss you.. ]
at 3:17 AM
Thursday, September 02, 2004
The misunderstanding is cleared. The air is clean not filthy. I can breathe fresh air now. That feels great. Today marks the start of my prelims. But I feel that my compre is super screwed. Whatever. Must buck up for the rest. I'm gonna get a new econs tutor. Mr Munshi is his name. I think it sounds cute. I wanna get a new wallet. I saw one. I'm gonna get it! If I have money. Anyway, I'm leaving things the way it is. Forgive and forget, it makes your life better. Besides, I don't even know the truth! Ha. Eve-vy rules the world. I love myself so much.
[ I miss you.. ]
at 6:49 PM
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
I am disappointed. I am beginning to agree that "ignorance is bliss". Should I be ignorant or pretend to be ignorant? Found some quotes today. I like this one especially. "We are what we pretend to be, but we better be very careful what we pretend." I think it's very true. That no matter what, there will definitely be hypocrisy. It sucks big time, but that's the way life is.
[ I miss you.. ]
at 9:58 PM
Liar Liar, Pants On Fire!!! Why LIE? Why deceive yourselves? Why don't you say out the truth? It's hurting. Real bad. At least I know what you're like. Even if it's a test, you've failed it. I trusted you. You lied to me. Why even do it? You tell me!! WHY?? Why do want to make me happy for a while and just leave me in pain after that. Fuck this damn world. I'm tired. I really need a break. To break away from everything that's disrupting me from my studies. Perhaps you're right, just a teeney weeney bit. I should not think about anything else now other than my studies.
Words hurt. They make a great impact, it stirrs up emotions within you. Although actions speaks louder than words, words can hurt you more easily. When you say something that doesn't go through that big brain of yours first, those words are bound to hurt somebody. Mark my words.
[ I miss you.. ]
at 12:41 PM
