Sunday, January 18, 2004
I HATE MYSELF.
I GIVE UP.
Never gonna be the same again..
[ I miss you.. ]
at 11:29 PM
Sunday, January 11, 2004
I'm lost. I'm confused. I dunno what shit I'm in now. Somebody save me???!!! I have tons of undone hw but I just dun feel like touching it. Seeing all my friends finishing their hw and stuff scares me but I just dun have the motivation to do it. Shit always happen to me. WHY? I can never figure that out. Perhaps I'm born to suffer. HAr har. Sucky mundane life. A routine. Trainings on mon, wed and thurs. Gawd. I need to breathe!!!!! I can't vent my thoughts. Nobody understands how I feel, what I'm going thru. I hate what I'm going thru now. Is it gonna just be a phase or what? Grrrr. I'm sick and tired of everything!!! Shall try to do my hw. Tho I know it'd be hard for me to get started. Once my mind starts to wander... I can't seem to get anything done. ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I NEED TO GET AWAY!!!!!! I think I'm gonna stop blogging for a while until my life is more stable. This is gonna be a stagnant blog. Ciao ppl.
Yest, played bball the whole day. Had a friendly with Anderson sec. We got thrashed. But it's alright. At least I managed to vent out my unhappy thoughts in that game. I cried like mad yest. Sobbed uncontrollably. Life sucks. I hate it.
Leann Rimes - Life Goes On
Life goes on, life goes on
Life goes on, life goes on
You sucked me in
And played my mind
Just like a toy
You were crank and wind
Baby I would give till you wore it out
You left me lyin' in a pool of doubt
And you're still thinkin' you're the Daddy Mac
You should've known better but you didn't
And I can't go back
Oh life goes on
And it's only gonna make me strong
It's a fact, once you get on board
Say good-bye cause you can't go back
Oh it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where I'm at, is my life before me
And this feelin' that I can go back
Life goes on (repeat 2X)
Wish I knew then
What I know now
You held all the cards
And sold me out
Baby shame on you, if you fool me once
Shame on me if you fool me twice
You've been a pretty hard case to crack
Should've known better but I didn't
And I can't go back
Oh life goes on
And it's only gonna make me strong
It's a fact, once you get on board
Say good-bye cause you can't go back
Oh it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where I'm at, is my life before me
And this feelin' that I can go back
Life goes on
Na, na, na, na, na
Life goes on
Na, Na, Na, Na,
It made me strong
Oh yeah, got this feeling that I can't go back
Life goes on, life goes on, and it's only gonna me strong
Life goes on, life goes on, and on and on
shame on you, if you fool me once
Shame on me if you fool me twice
You've been a pretty hard case to crack
Should've known better but I didn't
And I can't go back
Na, na, na, na, na
Life goes on
Na, Na, Na, Na
It made me strong
Oh yeah
Gotta feelin' that I can't go back
No I can't go back
Oh yeah
I've gotta go now
I'm moving on
No turning back
Cuase you made me strong
Fucked up life I have.
[ I miss you.. ]
at 3:27 PM
Saturday, January 03, 2004
I am finally 18. My bday wasn't as good as i expected but the best part was that my darling delievered my present to me at my doorstep. So sweet!! Thanks darling, i'm really touched. She gave me a bouquet of flowers that she wrapped herself and a pair of nice adidas slippers. I really love it. Took 132 to town and walked around. I admit that i did break down on my bday a few times. Heard something that broke my heart and i dunno what the hell happened but all my messages in my hp were gone! My messages from dear were all GONE. Sigh. I was so depressed. Kinda felt like crap on that day. I didn't have a bday msg from dear cause there wasn't enough time for her to send me. It's ok darling, i dun blame you cause i know that you had the heart to message me just that it didn't work out. I am just not fated to have what i want.
We didn't countdown at orchard cause dear and i hate crowded places so we went newton circus to take-away bbq stingray and lala for supper. Dinner was lousy. Wanted to have dinner at a jap restaurant but decided that it wasn't worth our $$ then went over to 'spagaddies'. Didn't like the menu and we hopped over to baker's inn. However, the food there sucks and they dun have the dessert that i want. Sucks man. Felt really down so we went to far east as i wanted to go to the pool side. Bought alcohol too. But just as we warmed the seat at the swimming pool, we got chased out by the cranky, old security guard that works there. He says the pool is only for residents. Whatever. We went to the carpark then. Sat down, talked and drank. It was really quiet. Liked the atmosphere. Finally, my mood was lightened up. Walked around again after that then bought the foam thing and started spraying at each other. Haha. Took a train to newton at abt 11pm then a cab to woodlands to countdown.
Unfortunately, we didn't make it to vista park on time to countdown. It was already the new year while we were cycling there. Oh well, we ate our food and started spraying at each other again. Took pics and i really hope it turns out well. After that, went dear's house to rest a while before taking a cab home. Drank at her house. guess the beginning of the new year was quite well spent with my darling en. Was quite 'seh' when i reached home. Head was spinning. Took a panadol and slept.
My bday wasn't exactly good but embracing the new year exceeded my expectations. I was scared initially but having my dear beside me, i felt blessed. Still, having my bday spent with my most beloved one was a blessing for me. Thanks for spending it with me, en darling. Whatever happened that led to my sadness wasn't your fault ya? It's just me. I felt lousy and like crap. Felt that i couldn't get anything right. Guess my expectations are just too high. Anyway, it's over and i'm glad to have spent my 18th bday with you. I love yoUu and only yoUu with all my heart. No one else comes close and no one else will eva replace you. Ya the only one that makes me tingle with sensation when we touch. Muacks.
Flashback/Highlight of year 2003
1. Didn't have a life in the beginning. Still in J2. Was slogging for cts.
2. Changed class. 237 to 228.
3. Flunked my cts. Had to retain. Changed chem to lit.
4. Life began. Loved my class. 117.
5. Didn't exactly fit in but finally felt at home.
6. Went to party during june hols before cts.
7. Did have a bf but didn't last. Glad it didn't.
8. Scraped thru my cts. Got to know en on 25th July.
9. Agreed to be her gf on 20th August. The rest is history. Best thing that happened in this year. Still going on strong and hope it stays this way always. =)
10. JC1 camp @ Kota Tinggi. Really bonded our class. The Chan Chan Gang!!
11. Got to know jiji, wen, carol better. Got myself involved in touch rugby.
12. Results for promos:
Lit - E
Maths C - E
Econs - O
13. Promoted. Prepared to go to sarawak.
14. Sarawak trip was the second best thing that happened this year.
15. Survived 2 weeks without dear. Missed her like hell. Love deepens.
16. Spent the rest of my hols with dear.
17. Chinablack party on da 29th.
18. Bday on da 31st.
Guess that's the highlights of year 2003. Decided to put it this way so that i dun need to write so much. Haha. Or i'd bore you ppl to death. 2003 has been a good year i guess. Reataining is a blessing in disguise. Did the subject that i like and being able to go for my Sarawak expedition. Getting to know my darling en too. Made great friends like jiji, wen and carol. Not forgetting my 2 wonderful gfs, Joyce and Jas. Thankful for having a wonderful class with the exception of my ct. Maria, Meihui, Kat, Kutu, Mx, Xpr, Jieqi, Liyanah, Buddy, Huilin, Pervin, Joyce, Jasmine, Melvin, Kenneth, Sooty, Lepidus, Leon and Bert, thanks for making 117 so wonderful!! 117 rocks!!! Darling en, Thanks for stealing my heart! I'm truly captivated by you. Throughout the year 2003, i've seen the other side of life and i know that i have matured. I am grown up now. Been learning and discovering alot about myself last year and this is indeed something to be proud about.
When you entered my heart,
You gave me life.
Ya the air that I breathe,
The one that i dream.
All along, it has always been you.
Right from the start.
I never knew what love was,
Till I found you.
Thanks for tolerating my nonsense,
And bearing with my ugliness.
Only you would love me for who I am.
Hence, I'm thankful for that.
Hope our love would go on strong,
Overcoming all obstacles.
My love for you will never die,
Unless you say goodbye.
It's lousily written i know. But right now, i can only come up with this. Will be better!! Heez. Dear, I love you!!!!!! And i wanna publicize the poem that i wrote for you last year again. Hehe. I like that one. (Written on da 25th Oct 2003)
For youuuu:
Your existence is the reason of mine
And my love for you runs deep
With you around, I'll shine
The key to my heart is yours to keep
This poem is for you duly
And though it's lousily written
My darlin, I love you truly
I hope it got you smitten
-zeven foreva- *muacks*
Long entry from me today but guess i have the inspiration to write today so yup. Finally the first day of school. Hahahaha. After so long, i finally write abt today. Anyway, sch wasn't happening. Had a few lessons then walked around to 'bio' the j1 girls. Have a few not bad ones i guess. They joining bball and touch. Heez. I can 'bio'. Hope my darling will still love me only. Haha. Miss my Sarawak days, especially our team. Miss the kampong kids too. Wonder how they're doing. I miss Bronson, the kid that i'm most attached too. He's just so cute and he's so small size at the age of 10. He cried so badly when we left. Miss Sylvia and Alvina too, more attached to these 2 girls as compared to the rest. There's still Ponisah, Aliscer, Angela, Monica and the rest.. I miss them.. All of them.. Sigh. But the happy memories there like playing in da river with da kids, painting the library, trekking in the jungle, exploring the kampong, cooking in da kitchen, washing the dishes in the washing areas, talking in a circle at our sleeping place and many more.. will always stay in my heart forever.
Angela, Mei, Keiko, Soo Hoon, Hamsa, Yani, Hema, Dewi, Priya, Jac, Ruoyan, Mun Kit, Huiyu, Jing Guang, Jeremy, Dinesh, Viknesh, Jag, Zuraimi, Miss Lim, Mr Ngan and Mr Goh, Thanks for making our Sarawak trip such a wonderful one!! I love you guys!!
Got carried away with my Sarawak days memories.. Heez. Back to harsh reality in sch, we had the CCA fair which was redundant. Me and en just walked around and slacked, not doing anything except playing table tennis? Haha. Enjoy playing with her man. Went down to PS to eat long john with dear, jiji, wendy, geraldine, sylvia, carol and krist. Went back with dear after that. Dear, i love you so much ya know? When we hug, i always feel that special feeling going thru my body. Only you can make me feel so loved. I love looking into ya smiling eyes, knowing that you love me too. Nothing can take you away from me. Ya the only one i want. Muacks. New year already, must study hard and achieve what you want in life. Starting from mon, i have to pull up my socks and work hard for my As to achieve my goals in life. I cannot fail this time. q^-^p Gambate Eveleen! Self-motivation. Muahaha. Hope it works. Bleah. Peeps, really hope that i didn't bore you by writing so much. Take care
and keep on smiling!! Good night. =)
[ I miss you.. ]
at 2:14 AM
